The Recovering Trainwreck

I'm about to get really real. Over the past three years I have been to 3 rehabs and about a dozen behavioral health hospitals. It still amazes me that addiction is as they say cunning, baffling, and powerful. It all started when i was about 11, I had a traumatic event in life and started eating for comfort. I gained weight and got bigger through my teen years and my pregnancy with my son. Eventually with adult onset type two diabetes and insulin resistance and a slew of other health issues I was forced to have gastric bypass and basically I was forced to give up my addiction. Not even a year after I had lost 200 pounds and started drinking, but only on the weekends. Unfortunately I could no longer handle my alcohol like a normal drinker. Alcohol abuse running in my family also didn't help much either. I found myself in detox facilities, having the cops called on me by significant others and really close friends, having emotional breakdowns in bars, falling down, blacking out bu...

So I'm ME, I'm going to make myself HAPPY, I'm going to make my RECOVERY and my sobriety a priority. It has been a HELL of a year for me, shit three years really. I've FUCKED up alot. I've embarrassed myself. Lost trust. I've pushed people away, lost my son, disappointed my family, caught a half a dozen charges, lost every job, went to jail, almost got sold into sex trafficking, went back to jail, completed rehab. Which was 44 1/2 hours of class a WEEK, plus 3 hours a week of one on one therapy. I learned ALOT about why I've done everything I have. I learned that addiction is a disease. I will ALWAYS have it. I've learned that no matter what it is, I will over use it. (I'm a garbage pail addict,if it's mind altering I will abuse it) I've worked through guilt, I've worked through suicidal thinking, major depression and anxiety. I learned that I have FOUR major core beliefs: nothing is ever good enough, no one will ever love me, I can'...